Still dealing with palpitations and weakness. Went to clinic. They said my heart is fine and its just my neurosis. I must do everything in my power deal with this neurosis before it becomes all consuming. I pray to god for self-sufficiency, and the ability to go out into the world. I am pleading for strength, I am pleading for what others have so naturally. I do not enjoy my life. I miss SG. I miss my life with her. I miss my life when I was a teenager. The times I had with here were many times quite nice. She is very much a part of me that is suffering. She was my best friend. Looking at my little bed on the floor, just enough for my dog and I and feel a drive to push. I do not want to live like this. I work very long and very hard. I will no longer sleep alone on a floor.